Organs...

So, in our ward I am sort of the back-up organist.  I am not great at the organ, but I'm sort of the only other option most of the time, and I can fake it ok.  Not good, just ok.  And I almost never know the hymns ahead of time, because our usual organist is incredible and can play any hymn without warning. I, on the other hand, cannot guarantee a great performance having not practiced.  ANYWAY, it works, and I don't mind at all, but I do hate messing up and it's embarassing.
Last Sunday I was playing for the first time since Owen has been around, and I don't mind the opportunity to sit up front every once in a while and relax enough to feel the spirit more!  Stake people were there speaking, at least one of which I know is very musically talented, and the hymns were ok, one I was a little nervous about.  So, the first speaker was great, and then it was the hymn I was nervous about.  So I played the intro loud, and bad.  I  messed up a lot and when it was over I was already feeling a little flush and glad the intro was over, when I looked up for the cue and noticed something was wrong.  I had played the wrong one.  The closing song instead of the intermediate one.  I honestly wanted to just shrivel away and disappear.  BUT I had to flip to the right hymn, and fudge my way through it through tears of embarrassment.  I just sat down after and didn't look up, but then the next speaker made a little joke about it (in a very nice way, not at all rude) but I was already feeling emotional about leaving the ward soon, and being so embarrassed, so his joke made people look at me, which made me start having trouble controlling the tears.  The rest of sacrament was hard for me because everytime I looked up someone was looking at me waiting for the chance to give a comforting smile or mouth some nice words, which is nice, but it didn't help my situation of not wanting to cry on the stand.  I rushed out after, grabbed my baby and headed for the nursing room, where I am almost always alone.  I burst into tears as soon as I shut the door.  BUT today I wasn't alone, I sat down when another person came in, and when she saw that I was crying she politely left, which I was glad for, but as she left someone else said "is Lana in there?" and she came in, and then another person came in...