So, this is my cry for help from all you more experienced moms (if any of you read this). What do you do when your babies turn into toddlers. I have never had a toddler, and quite frankly wasn't expecting most of this behavior from my perfect little girl. This is the second day in a row that nap time has turned into a war and I'm at a loss. She isn't ready to stop napping... she's actually very tired, and that's probably why we're both so grumpy. Some other troubling behavior... she hits. We are working on this too, but it still slightly shocks me each time she does it. She hits everyone... kids, parents, strangers. Did I teach her to be aggressive? I don't remember doing it!
Monday, January 4, 2010
attention all moms
I am writing this post at a time of desperation, so please excuse the dramatics, but ... HELP! My beautiful, easy little girl is growing up and I am feeling lost! Things used to be so easy with her... I am currently listening to her SCREAM in her crib like I am some sort of traitor. Now you may say... go get her then. It's not that simple. I put her down for her nap two hours ago. She usually cries for a minute or two before drifting off, but she didn't calm down today, so I went in. I rocked her until she fell asleep, then I rocked her more just for good measure. Then I laid her back down, and she was still asleep... until I shut the door on my way out. Then she woke up and cried and cried for a long time. So I eventually went back in again and got her, took her to our bed and laid down. I quietly whispered in her ear and rubbed her hands for about 30 minutes before it started turning ugly. She was still not sleeping and I was getting frustrated. So then we ended up nearly wrestling with me trying to hold her in one position and her fighting, biting, clawing her way out, just to fight out of the position of her choosing as well. After probably at least 10 to 20 minutes of this, I was starting to lose my cool. I could feel the tears coming, and besides, it's not easy to wrestle with a toddler when your belly is gigantic and she keeps kicking it in a sore spot. So now she is in her crib again... probably a long shot, but I am praying she falls asleep because I don't know what good I can do for her right now.
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I don't know if I should share my advice, because some may think I'm a mean mommy. But here it goes. When my girls did that, I let them cry. I let them cry until they either fell asleep or I'd get them when it was their normal time to get out of bed. Girls are smart lil' buggers. Brenna sounds like she's trying to be the head woman in your house. Do not give up your throne Lana!:) Power struggles can only be won by the head honcho...You!:) Don't play her game when she starts to cry. She's not hurt, hungry, or needing anything. She's just testing her limits. Be strong!:) You can do it!:)
In regards to hitting....time outs worked with my girls, hands down. (ingore the pung there.) Mind you, there were "Super Nanny" style. Not the, "I want you to sit there for 5 seconds and think about what you did" weanie ones.
I hope you don't mind me commenting. I don't know you, but I came blog stalking from Evelyn Perkin's blog. First of all, I agree with Katy about the timeouts. I don't know exactly how old your daughter is, but I start timeouts at about 14-15 months or so. It sounds like it would be a good time to start, because she should learn early that kicking and hitting is not acceptable. I've found that if you are firm and calm, one-year-olds usually stay in the corner when you tell them to.
As for the naps, I know with my kids, sometimes if I wait too long to put them down, they are too riled up and they won't sleep. It seems like the more tired they are, the harder they resist. I have a 13 month old (and some older ones, too), and I put her down for a nap about 2 hours after she gets up in the morning, and then again about 2 hours after she gets up from that nap. Sometimes they just need to cry, and sometimes you need to put them in the crib and leave them there for your own sanity! I hope this helps, and I hope you don't mind my checking your blog out. I love to connect with other moms. Good luck!
Sorry Lana! I haven't been in this position, but I'm pretty sure I would do what Katy said for the napping situation. Just let her cry it out. She'll eventually learn.
I don't have a toddler, but I definitely agree with Katy. Don't give Brenna the control, let her cry it out. I let Grant cry stuff out all the time and refuse to feel guilty about it. What makes secure, self-confident, and happy kids is consistency and limits. So buy some earplugs and do whatever you want while she cries.
i have no advice from my own experience, but i know my sister in law fought with nap time with her boy for about a month before he gave in and went back to normal naps again. he would sleep for like 1/2 hour or 45 minutes when naps used to be 2-3 hours, but she just kept at it and took what she could get, and he eventually learned that the short naps weren't so fun. it's not easy to be a mom, that's for sure! you're doing amazing chickee and just keep at it :)
oh and i agree with the other girls - don't give her the control. i'm guessing she was crying cuz it's way more fun to be rocked to sleep or to snuggle with mom than it is to figure it out by yourself in the crib! really sucks to listen to your kid cry, but she'll eventually understand that you're the parent - not her! good luck darlin!
oh lana.. tegs did this a few months ago! he got to the point that he wouldnt sleep at night or take naps.. he would scream whenever we would lay him down.. we tried letting him cry it out..... first night he cried for a solid 3 hours.. he had no voice the next day and i felt like a HORRID mom.. haha... the next night he cried for 2 hours.. slept an hour and cried 2 more hours then it was morning, light outside since it was the middle of the summer so i just went and got him.. we would rock him til he was dead asleep.. hours and hours of rocking and the second we would lay him down he would pop up SCREAMING!.. he then started to not take naps.. would do that same thing that he was doing at nights.. almost like he was scared to death to sleep.. i dunno if brenna is like that.. but we finally, out of desperation and total exhaustion, laid him on the floor one night and he passed out... strange yes i know, so we pulled in an extra mattress and he has slept all night since then on the mattress.. just didnt want his crib for some reason!! i dont suggest the crying it out... maybe it works for some kids but it didnt work with tegs, and i dont think its a solution for all kids!!.. it made things worst for us!! i hope she comes around like tegs did.. it was brutal though.. i know how you feel.. i would sit and cry too!.. i bet she is just sensing a little change with the baby coming... ps.. i cant wait for him to come!!!
also, tegs does time outs now since we have burke and he thought that he was his own little rag doll!!.. they are short and fast about a minute, but he doesnt do it again after i sit him on the couch and tell him to not move! its quite nice!!
I use the supernanny method of time out and I think it is the best. Set up a little chair or box or stool and designate it as the timeout spot. Watch an episode of supernanny, she does the timeout method in every episode. The only other real geneneral advise I have is be consistent! If hitting is not ok today then it isn't tomorrow and the same thing with nap, if you go in and get here one day and let her cry another she will be confused. I hope this helps:)
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